it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
