I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
