you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
