I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
