you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
