I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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