I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize