I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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