I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Randomize
