Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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