i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
