I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
FUCK WHALES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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