you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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