I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
