Don't you send me to vm
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize