butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
