i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
