I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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