Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
