im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
