you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
