I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
