did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
