youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
