areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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