I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
