these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
