you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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