I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
