and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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