What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
