They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
