yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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