Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
