I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
