Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
