i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
