I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am naked and annoyed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
