If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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