I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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