Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dicks are not precious.
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