Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
