Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize