I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
