I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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