I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
