"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
