Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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