it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How's work?
Spinning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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