so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
tell me about the eggs
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