First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
