please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
