i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
