I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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