My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
