his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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