did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
