she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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