He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
