I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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