when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
