I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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