Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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