Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
