Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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