out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
