I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
