i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
