I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
