Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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