found the other keg... it's in the tree
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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